46 Things I've Learned in 46 Years

Hello there everyone! I know, I know. Long time, no write. Sometimes the inspiration just isn't there! But today --- today is my birthday. My 46th birthday to be exact. So I decided to share 46 things I've learned in my 46 years on this Earth. Ready? Alright here we go:

1.  You can't always get what you want.

2.  Brothers don't take it easy on you just because you're a "girl." And you'll be thankful later on in life for that.

3.  You shouldn't wear a dress when it's windy outside.

4.  The best thing you can be taught in school is how to treat other people and how to resolve conflicts without violence.

5.  But when push comes to shove, be prepared.

6.  Know how to change your own flat tire.

7.  Don't give up on your dreams.

8.  Your parents may not always have it all together. That's okay. You won't either when you're a parent. And your kids will love you anyway.

9.  Being a parent is the scariest, toughest, and most rewarding thing I have ever done.

10.  Summer nights smell the best.

11.  Embrace a creative activity - whether it be painting, sculpting, singing, farming, building, etc. Find what it is that brings you peace and joy and do that thing. But not for a job. Just for you.

12.  Do unto others as you would have others do unto you.

13.  Chocolate always makes things better.

14.  Take the nap. Seriously. Just take it.

15.  Surround yourself with people who lift you up and encourage you.

16.  Take better care of your teeth.

17.  Read. And then read some more.

18.  You should know why you believe what you believe. Otherwise, your foundation is like sand and will fall away.

19.  Age doesn't necessarily equal maturity.

20.  Peanut butter cookies really do suck.

21.  Always believe in the magic of Christmas and never doubt that miracles still happen.

22.  What goes in must come out, so don't fill your body or mind with crap.

23.  Forgiveness is more for you than for the person you are forgiving.

24.  Choose kindness, but don't let anyone walk all over you.

25.  Let people love you, even when you don't think you deserve it.

26.  Give love, even when you aren't sure the person receiving it deserves it.

27.  Share your toys.

28.  You will lose sometimes. Games, money, precious mementos, people you love. And you will cherish them all the more because it's true that you often don't know what you've got until it's gone.

29. Dogs are just angels who slobber.

30.  "It is better to be thought a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt." ~ Abraham Lincoln

31.  "He who is good at making excuses is seldom good for anything else." ~ Benjamin Franklin

32.  Never stay with someone would put their hands on you with the intent to hurt you. You are worth  so much more.

33.  Whatever will be, will be. If it's meant to happen, it will happen. The universe is not out to get you. Go with the flow.

34.  You will really only regret the things you never tried.

35.  Actions speak louder than words.

36.  Helping others and volunteering is one of the best ways to take your mind off of your own problems. Helping others helps you feel better.

37.  Laughter really IS the best medicine.

38.  Let your guard down with the person you choose to spend your life with. Share it all. Don't be afraid to shed tears and let them in the dark places. Give your whole self to the one you love. And give them a safe place to do the same.

39. Be honest in your work and in all the little things. If you can't be trusted with little, you won't be trusted with much.

40.  Be happy in whatever circumstance you find yourself. Look for the silver lining. Choose joy and gratitude in all things.

41.  Eat the dessert but don't be gluttonous.

42.  Do your best to make a good impression but don't get stuck on what others think of you. Be true to yourself.

43. Do the right thing. And when you do the wrong thing, make it right.

44. Say what you mean. Mean what you say. Keep your word.

45. It's okay to ask for help.

46. The answer to the meaning of life is: LOVE.  Love your neighbor as yourself. 

Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails. (1 Corinth. 13:4-8(a))

And there's still so much more I've learned and have yet to learn. So grateful for this life I've been given. Thank you to each of you who have had a part in my play. It would not be complete without you. <3

He Lived

"And, while Cinderella and her prince did live happily ever after, the point, gentlemen, is that they lived."

Living. That's the point, isn't it? We are all born, and we all will die. It's what we do with the living years that really matter.

I have reached a realization that with all I have shared with each of you about how Dale died, I have failed miserably in sharing with you how he lived.  And that's really the point, isn't it? Because how someone dies is only a small part of their story.

I'd like to introduce you now to a fine, sweet man whose name was Robert Dale Cameron. He was born on August 25, 1960, and he died on August 20, 2009. This is how he lived:

Ch-ch-ch-changes

Good Friday and Easter commemorate the death, burial and resurrection of Jesus Christ, so it's only natural that my thoughts wander to the many ways this is experienced in our lives. From the very hungry caterpillar resurrecting to a beautiful butterfly to the addict who finds new hope and life in sobriety, starting over is a concept we all both struggle to attain and struggle to deal with, simultaneously.

Follow Through

I have a follower who works at a community mental health organization and is a master's of social work candidate from Michigan State University.  This friend asked to share with me and each of you the importance of continuing therapy after an assault, trauma or in instances of PTSD (post-traumatic stress disorder). My friend's hope, like mine, is that by sharing their experiences with you, maybe, just maybe, we can help at least ONE person because EVERY single person is worth helping.  This is what they shared with me and what I would like to pass on to each of you:

Very Inspirational Blogger Award

Who? Me?

Happily surprised, I was, to wake up this morning and see that I had been granted the Very Inspiring Blogger Award by The Misadventures of a Bipolar Girl and then again later in the day by Mrs. Nelson's Math Tutoring! It does the heart good to know that others find you "inspiring".

Now, to the rules. There are always rules. I must post 7 interesting things about myself.  Seven. Interesting. Well, here we go:

1.  I am not left handed.

2.  I played softball when I was a kid. I wasn't all that great at it, but I could run fast!

3.  I was a cheerleader for 3 years in high school, and it was the most rewarding experience I had in school. I can still do a cartwheel!! Ok, my wrists can hardly take it, but I can do it!

4.  I love Taco-flavored Doritos, Sons of Anarchy and iced tea. All three of them at the same time is like heaven on earth. On certain days, you can substitute Mad Men for Sons of Anarchy and it'd still be heaven.

5.  I can type almost 140 words per minute. Don't get into a chat battle with me. I'll win.

6.  I have naturally curly hair. And when I say "naturally curly hair", I mean a frizzball on the top of my head.

7.  I have awesome friends and family who support me and my desire to raise awareness about suicide and other mental health care issues.

Okay now that we have that out of the way, I must now nominate 15 other bloggers to receive this award.  I find inspiration in the blogging world over and over again, so this should be somewhat easy peasy.

1.  What I Really Meant to Say Was
2.  Sole Searching Mamma
3.  Razorblade Brain
4.  My Daily Jenn-ism
5.  Martha Stewart Doesn't Live Here
6.  I Want a Dumpster Baby
7.  Frugalista Blog
8.  Four Plus an Angel
9.  fireandrabbits
10.  Diary of a Mad Woman
11.  Curveballs - The Crumb Diaries
12.  ADD Music Mamma
13.  Scarred for Life
14.  My Children Think I'm Perfect
15.  Adventures of NinjaMama

Please go check out these fabulous bloggers!!

One More Day

It's coming. Every year, without fail, it shows up and the memories flood.

Who the hell are You?

A couple of weeks ago, my lovely Jenn tagged me in her blog Who the Hell am I? Pfffft ... Who the Hell are You?  At first, I was like woooaahh ... Jenn's good and ticked off about something. But then I quickly realized we were playing a little game. She had been tagged by Menopausal Mother to answer a list of questions and then there she goes and tags me, too. Now I'm IT. I always wanted to be IT. People always say, "ohhh yeah. you got IT." I'm always like, "yeaaahh, I'm IT. I'm the stuff." And then I laugh and laugh and wipe yesterday's mascara out from under my raccoon eyes. Anyway, I digress.

Ask and I Will Answer

Tara at You Know it Happens at Your House Too invited her readers this morning to ask her questions that she would answer in a blog entry. I wondered, "hmmm...what would MY readers ask?"  So, I asked you what you wanted to know, and these are the first 20 questions posed:

I'm sorry Wilson.

I watched the movie Cast Away, starring Tom Hanks, for about the 5th time.  You know how when you watch a movie over and over again, there are times you notice something you didn't notice in the earlier viewings?  That's what happened with me this time, only it wasn't an object or a mistake or an actor I'd seen before. It was like an "a-ha" moment.

Where is the Love?

I've been a bit quiet for a while on this here blog-o-sphere.  I know I'm not alone in the sense that I didn't have the right words to say after the Sandy Hook tragedy. Then the hub-bub of Christmas and the New Year came and went, and still, I had no words.  Everything else to write about just seemed frivolous or irrelevant.  My mind has swirled with thoughts, and yet I just haven't been able to find the right words and put them together coherently.  This is not a post about Sandy Hook, per se. This is not a post about gun control or even mental health care. It's a post about humanity. About decency. About respect for human life.

There's Really No Comparison

"Comparison is the thief of joy." ~ Theodore Roosevelt

I believe that statement.  Whenever you compare two things, one of them will surely suffer.

If you compare what you have in relation to what someone else may have, you may begin to feel as though you don't have "enough" because they have more than you. The nice house, the nice car, the fancy clothes, the cleaning service, vacations, the weekly massage appointments or manicures are all things someone else may be able to do without hesitation but you have to budget and plan for two months to get a manicure wedged in let alone an eyebrow wax or a good haircut at a reputable salon. You may begin to feel slighted by life, by fate, and so begins the unhappiness that results from comparing what you have to what someone else has.

Dying to Wake: Guest Blog by Jessica Hauser, Anchored Strength and Weathered Storms

For today's Mental Health Monday, I am sharing "Dying to Wake," as written by Jessica Hauser who you can find at Anchored Strength and Weathered Storms.  Jessica may have made some choices that you personally disagree with. That being said, her story is very real and intimate, and she has been brave enough to share it with all of us in the hopes that it may help someone else out there struggling in the same ways with thoughts of suicide. If you choose to comment on this post, let your comments be respectful and not judgmental.  We are all human, and there is forgiveness for each of us, and that grace can always start with you.

Here is her story:

The Quilt

This photo is of a rag quilt that I gave to my eldest daughter (Peanut) when she went off to college this Fall.  I did not make this quilt (because I'm not domestically gifted that way).  I took a bucket of material to an older Amish lady named Sarah, and she and her husband made it for us.

Up Close and Personal

It finally happened.  I thought I saw Dale standing in front of me.  It was just a quick second, but it is now burned in my memory forever.

The Wal Mart Lady

"Oh my gosh, it's so cold!" I thought, as I gathered my coat around me, pulled my hat down over my ears to guard them from the wind and sleet, and trudged into Wal Mart for what seemed like the umpteenth time.  I felt the blast of warm air on my face as I pushed through the entrance. I was only there for two things, and I moved quickly through the store. Thank goodness they hadn't turned this one into a Super Wal Mart yet. A quick trip in and out was still possible here.  It was late, and the weather was bad, so there weren't a lot of people clogging the lanes. I paid for my items and made my way to the exit.  Being an older Wal Mart, this store had an entrance area with arcade games and rides for kids, quarter candy machines, newspaper racks and benches.   I noticed there was someone sitting on one of the benches as I came through the first exit door.

Make it Work!

My memory fails me. A lot. While puttering around on the Book of Face, I saw a post that said, "Stay at home mom vs. working mom, which is more difficult?"  Now, for the life of me when I want to find it again, I can't find it anywhere. I think I could anticipate some of the responses, but I sure was hoping to actually view them to see if there were any surprises or little golden nuggets of wisdom in there.

Let me Count the Ways ...

Peanut was home from college this weekend for Fall break.  It's always nice to have her in the house, even if we aren't really doing anything together. Just knowing she's home makes me feel good.  She had sent me a text earlier in the week saying she was determined to bake a pie from scratch for the holidays this year.

At the corner of Acceptance and Perseverance

Typical.  I forgot to get my Jeep inspected last month and my plates expire in September. Last week, a cop pulled me over and was nice enough to just give me a warning instead of a ticket.  That doesn't happen often, so I chalked it up to good luck or a good hair day. I couldn't say it was the cleavage that got me out of it. Unless that female cop is in to that sort of thing. Hey, who knows? Whatever the reason, she was nice and just gave me a warning.

One Last Gift

I just watched an episode of one of my favorite TV shows, Sons of Anarchy.  In this particular episode, the club was laying to rest one of their own, Opie.  There was a scene where you see each of the club members place something in the casket with Op; a rosary, a bottle of liquor, a photo, that sort of thing. Then a memory hit me. Like a brick.

About a little more than a week before Dale took his life, he had bought me a rose and brought it by my office.  It was not a rare thing at all. He would do it randomly, not because he was in trouble or because he thought he needed to for some reason. He was just sweet that way. Normally, he would buy me a white rose because those are my favorite. He couldn't get one that day but found a fire and ice rose.

("Double Delight Rose" is Copyrighted by Flickr user: audreyjm529 (Audrey) under the Creative Commons Attribution license)

It really was beautiful.  I kept it in a vase on my desk. There were times when it would irritate me when he would spend money on roses for me. I'm sort of bi-polar on the issue of flowers. I love to receive flowers as a gift. I enjoy their aroma filling my office. They always add a little something beautiful to a space. But they die soon. And they cost money that could be better spent in other places, like on shoes and such. It's hard to be upset, though, when a smiling face full of love hands you a single rose. To my surprise, the rose was still just as beautiful on the day he died as it was on the day he gave it to me more than a week earlier. 

His visitation and funeral were horrendously difficult, the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. The first (and last) time I saw him after he died was before the visitation. My heart wrenched. There is nothing that prepares you for seeing the body of someone you love with no life left in it, no spirit, no twinkle in the eye, no sly smile, no response to you whatsoever. I can say that at that moment, the pain was so raw and the sobs came from deep within me.  I apologized for all the ways I was sure I failed. I cursed him for leaving us. I cursed evil for winning a battle. I tried to fix his hair because I knew he wouldn't like how it looked. Finally, I took that pretty little rose, the last one he had ever given me, and placed it with him. I can't say I know why other people do it, but for me, placing the rose in the casket with him was to honor him. It was to honor what he had given me. Not just the rose, but all the years of love that came with it when he gave it to me. Little did I know when he gave me the rose that it would be the last one I would receive from him, and that it would be the last thing I would ever give him.  

I don't want to be all cliche and everything, but be sure to take the time to "smell the roses" while you can. Appreciate the little gifts your loved ones give you. One day, you may only have the memory. 

"It's Okay to Throw it Away"

"It's Okay to Throw it Away" became my motto roughly 3 years ago.  My late husband, bless his heart, had a hard time throwing things away. There was always an excuse ... "If we just clean it up, someone could use it." "We could sell it." "It's not broken." "I wasn't sure if you would want to keep it."  The long, slow process of now cleaning through 20 years of accumulated junk has been no picnic. Thankfully, Richard has no emotional attachment to these things and is able to just toss things that clearly don't need to be kept. I also can cut ties and let things go. I just procrastinate. I really don't want to do it so I put it off until it can't be put off any longer.

Today, I had to clean out my dead refrigerator to prepare for the new one to arrive.  I was throwing away all the expired stuff and things we just didn't need.  All of the sudden, I found in my hand a small bottle of J. Roget Spumante (I know ... nothing but the best, right? ;)). It was actually dusty, even though it had been in the refrigerator. That little bottle has actually been in every refrigerator I've owned since 1990.  It was a small gift from one of Dale's brothers when we got married.  My hand lingered between the fridge and the trash can. Should I throw it away? Why should I keep it? It's not like he's here to open it with. Maybe I should keep it. I've had it forever. It means something. What? What does it really mean? It's just a reminder of what was lost. It's a reminder of what was once a good memory. Don't get me wrong, my wedding to him is still a "good" memory. But like that song says, "Now every memory is haunted." All the good memories inevitably lead me to the One Big Bad One. Even though I know I can't wipe out every memory, I also know that I don't need to hold on to material things in order to remember. "It's Okay to Throw it Away."  So out it went. Throwing it away doesn't mean it never happened. Throwing it away doesn't mean I didn't care. It just means that I'm okay with the memory living in my heart and not in my hand.

Namaste.